Definitely Not Nina

They say you can tell a lot about a person based on their Google searches. If this is true, I figure I’ve already got one arm in that straightjacket, so I may as well share. It’s not as if you haven’t already formed a strong opinion of me. (Insert smirk here):

(Random) Sampling of Kathryn’s Google Searches

As you can see by the above, I was deeply troubled by what appeared to be a dark spot on my arm, which resembled either a snowman or the state of California, depending on the angle.

 Ah. Problem solved.

This was a particularly frusttttttttratttttttting day. Turns out that one should never eat a sesame bagel over one’s keyboard. ‘Nuff said.

Nina Garcia

I have harbored a longing for Nina Garcia’s golden, honey-colored, perfectly-highlighted hair for quite a while now. I gave it some serious thought and I came to this conclusion:

“I’ll bet I can do that. I mean, sure…she probably spends hundreds of dollars at some pricey salon in which she spends the lion’s share of a day parked in some colorist’s chair to create this coveted look but really. How hard can it be? I’ll bet if I concentrate really hard and download a photo of her lovely locks on my phone as a guide, I can probably re-create that look for a fraction of the money! And probably in a quarter of the time!”

Yeah. At first, I thought it was maybe a light auburn. Then maybe more of a…copper? But no. It was orange. Craaaaaap. 

Two gentle colorings later, I’m still trying to remove the traces of neon pumpkin from my hair. Let’s face it…there’s only meant to be one Nina. And neon-pumpkin is a color better suited to just about anything other than someone’s hair.

Honestly, I didn’t even think “amnesiatic” was a word. Word says it isn’t…Google allowed it.  Insomnia can be maddening…and can cause one to have diminished brain function, including (but not limited to) when one thinks one is awake. This observation is based on an odd conversation I had with my son Taylor (19) the other morning:

Taylor: “Mom. How weird were you last night?”

Me: “Um. I don’t know how to answer that. Was I ‘Mom weird’ or the usual ‘generally weird’?”

Taylor: “You were weird, even for you. Don’t you remember? You were throwing things from the drawer of your nightstand at the closed door to your room, all while tucked in bed. Evidently, this was your bizarre way of calling me.”

Me: “I did no such thing. You’re such a liar.”

At this point, Taylor shows me the hazardous pile of debris on the floor behind my door. I spy a plastic hair clip, some Chap stick, a quarter and two packs of Juicy Fruit gum.

Uh oh. This can’t be good.

Taylor: “When I opened your door and asked why you didn’t get out of bed, you said you couldn’t stand up because you were sleeping.”

Me: (Eyes wide) “No way. I do not remember this.”

Taylor: “Shocking. Then you went on to explain how the lunch truck at your office makes these killer chili dogs.”

Me: “Oh! They really do. They make them with chopped onions and tomatoes…you would love them.”

Taylor: “I know, Mom. That’s what you said.”

Me: “I guess I was hungry.”

Taylor: “Ya think? All that talk of chili dogs made me hungry, so we got dressed and you drove to the diner to grab a bite.” 

Me: “WHAT??!”

Taylor: “Kidding. This may be a good time for you to cancel that new computer you ordered on your phone, though.”

Me: (Squints) “You’re messing with me. Tell me you’re messing with me…”

This is the part where he walks out of the room.

What about you? Any (ahem) interesting searches on your computer??

(Hope everyone is well. Another meeting on the board for today. I’m still clinging to the hope that life will calm down soon. Miss you guys. Love you. Mean it.)

xo