'Cause It's Christmas

I don’t know about you…but life seems to be perpetually stuck in fast-forward mode and I can’t seem to work the “stop” button. I do believe my life-remote is broken…I’d like a replacement as soon as possible, please.

So, I’m hearing nothing but Christmas songs on the radio. I’ll admit- I’m getting to the point where I’m almost over it, already. This morning, I was punching the search key on my radio dial…just trying to find something…anything else. I’ve yet to wrap a single gift and honestly…right now? I don’t give a damn. It’ll all get done…it always does.

Thanks to a vigilant co-worker, this week evolved into the discovery and subsequent purchase of several cans of Whipped Lightning:

Whipped Lightning

Yup. Guess what my sisters and my dad are getting for Christmas? And, do I really need to wrap these? My fam will basically want to assume the “rip-cap-off-with-teeth-and-depress-trigger-into-mouth” method of consumption anyway, so it seems like a waste of some perfectly good bows. I even bought some pudding cups and Oreos at the market…I figure between that and hot cocoa, I should be golden. Possibly hammered…but definitely golden.

Do not judge me. I’m entitled to this…’cause it’s Christmas.

In other news, it seems I should seriously consider buying stock in BestBuy, ‘cause as far as I can see, they are the only electronic game in town. After making several online purchases with them, I realize that I’ll need to hit the actual store after the holiday so I can get everything I didn’t even realize we needed. Taylor (18) who’s home from college till mid-January (God help my food budget) walked into my office last night:

Taylor: “MomINeedANewMembershipCardForMyX-Box360BeforeIGoBackToSchool.”

Me: “I’m sorry….what?”

Taylor: “It’s the membership that allows me to re-enterfigulate the simbiance of the finktatude in the MegaMaster fortitude.”

Okay, so he may have not said this exactly…but whatever he said, I didn’t get it.

Me: “Uh. Can’t we order it online?”

Taylor: “No. It’s only in the stores.”

Me: (Incredulous) “Seriously? Not online? How can this be?? Well, I still have to renew our anti-virus software and I don’t want to buy it online ‘cause then it’s only good for one computer and Connor'll need it too…”

(Taylor’s halfway out the door at this point)

Me: “Hey. If you want me to take you to get this crap, you can at least stay and listen to me- -"

Taylor: “—Rant?”

(Smartass.)

I told him he’d better be respectful…’cause it’s Christmas.

I’ve also informed da boys that they must be kind to each other and must love me unconditionally and shower me with gentleness and gratitude…all in the name of Christmas.

Hey, I figure with all the work involved in making this holiday happen, I may as well milk it for all it’s worth. That’s what the holidays are for, right?

And on that note: My wish for each and every one of you reading this (those who are not reading this are on their own) would be for you to have every one of your dreams come true. You are the awesomest people…(yeah, I know…not a word…but it’s Christmas…)…and you deserve every last drop of happiness.

Now I shall wave my magic-dollar-store-wand-that-makes-fairy-music-when-you-shake-it and I shall make it so.

xo