Times Two

I have come to the conclusion that my world would be a much less stressful place if there were simply two of me.

I can see you’re nodding enthusiastically, so I can only assume this means you’d appreciate the same, yes?
Isn't it amazing how you keep forgetting that I can see you?? (Now, you're just a little freaked...right?)

Let’s explore, shall we?

(This is the part where the screen gets all blurry and smoky as we imagine the topic of our discussion. C'mon...work with me here, people.)

First, there would be the practical-Kathryn. We’ll call her PracKat. She’d do all the stuff no-one really wants to do…but we know we have to. She’s responsible, efficient and has no patience for slackers. She’s uptight, does everything by the book and doesn’t smoke, drink or ever laugh till she pees a little. I figure she’d look something like this:

Then, there’s the fun-loving, glitter-wearing, biker-chick gal who doesn’t give a crap about anything other than enjoying life. We’ll call her Boom-Chicka-Wah-Wah-Kat…or BoomKat, for short. She’s all about living in the moment and doesn’t believe a precious second should be wasted on anything other than a good time. She’ll look like this:

(Shhh. Do not disturb…she’s got a hot date with a Patrick Dempsey look-alike in two hours and she’s debating between the Armani black number or the red Prada with the plunging neckline.)

I figure a typical conversation between the two on a Saturday afternoon would go something like this:

PratKat: “Well. I say we tackle filing those papers in the office first. Then, we’ll combine a few loads of laundry with several trips involving the cleaners, the pharmacy and the office supply store in town.”

BoomKat: “Huh. OR, we could hit the tanning salon, grab a bite at Mojo’s (where they have those awesome Mojitos), stop by the salon for a little color/mani-pedi, see if we can catch that sale over at Barneys and fit in a quick nap before tonight.”

PratKat: “Tonight? You mean watching The Suze Orman show while we color our hair, iron our clothes for work and research the benefits versus detriments of powering down one’s wireless router before retiring for bed? I've been meaning to do my due-diligence on that forever.”

BoomKat: “Um. That would be a no. I’ve made reservations at The Chart House for dinner and thought we could go clubbing and drag our sorry asses in around 3, collapsing fully-dressed and not coming to until around 2pm on Sunday.”

PK: “But. What about the filing?”

BK: “It’ll wait.”

PK: “The laundry?”

BK: “That’s why we’re going shopping.”

PK: “The cleaners? The pharmacy? The office supply store?”

BK: “Not going anywhere.”

PK: “But. Suze Orman?”

BK: (Rolls yes) “We’ll tape it.”

PK: “Our hair? The wrinkled clothes? The router?”

BK: (Sighs) “Again…salon, Barney’s and who gives a damn? Seriously?? Life is too freakin' short.”

PK: (Defeated) “Okay. Should I take off this honeycomb-ballet-skirt-bib and lose the shoulder pads and splints in my sleeves? I believe both my arms have fallen asleep.”

BK: (Smiles) “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

Here’s hoping your weekend combined the best of both worlds…