Take Your Chances

With Taylor’s BFF (said in the most manliest of ways) celebrating his high school graduation soon, the conversation in Kathrynville turned to the inevitable dreaded Grad Gift.

I know. You’re supposed to throw the grad some green…but, c’mon….anyone can do that. And so, Tay and I took off for that super-secret-warehouse-that-you-are-all-sworn-to-secrecy-or-I’ll-have-to-off-you to find something…as a prelude to the giving of the green.

Of course, I missed the turn-off for it ‘cause it’s not marked. Then you need to stop at the two discreet inspection points where you must provide copies of your last 1099 and answer the question of who sang the song “Careless Whisper” and what year…Kathryn: “That would be…Wham?…in…1984?" (blink, blink) and then drive through the x-ray machine disguised as a brushless car wash so that they can be sure you don’t have any federal agents in your trunk….(I can only assume they've had this issue come up from time to time) before ultimately pulling into the parking lot of…ya know, The Place.

There were about 4 cars in the whole lot and this seemed to make Taylor nervous.

Taylor: “I don’t have bail money. Just so you know…”

Me: “Doesn’t really matter, hon. You’re 18 now…if I go, you’re going down with me. Don’t bring in anything that could potentially ignite. Let’s go.”

He didn’t exactly leap out of the car…

We wanted to pick up some serious gag gifts (oxymoron, I know) for his friend Chris. We found some pretty interesting things for us as well:

This was for me. You guys know my obsession with Post-its…and would you look at that price! How could I not?? This'll set me up for at least a couple of months....

For Chris:

I’d meant to put a pencil next to it for scope, dammit. This thing is massive…like 11” by 6”. We’re gonna tell him that the “sleep” button is for when he’s tired, the “go back” button is to return to a simpler time, the “sat” button is to fast-forward to Saturday and the speaker with the line through it is for when he wants everyone to just zip it. You get the idea.

This was for Connor (13):

It’s this dry shampoo I thought he could use in-between me needing to straighten his hair. Gee, maybe that means it’s really more for ME than he. I’m holding it up to the light to show you how much of a ripoff this is. Gee, unless it was an innocent mistake that only half the bottle has any product in it and I haven’t even opened it yet?? Just saying….

For Metro (wonderdog):

Yeah, I know. They evidently make these stuffed animals sans stuffing so dogs won’t make such a mess when they rip ‘em to shreds. Kinda looks like he’s lying next to road kill, right? Sweet.

I found the perfect grad card for Chris, too:

Wait for it………………………

HA! Gotta love it.

And finally. Another must-have grad-gag-gift for Chris:

We’re telling him that since he won’t have a car, he can use this when he feels the need to get out of town. Or is asked to get out of town…whichever comes first. But, the thing that sent Taylor and I into gales of laughter? See hear for yourself:



The guys at The Place say we’re on probation for the next three months…something about “lack of decorum, restraint and disturbing the peace”.

Once safely back in the car, I remarked to Taylor, “I bet we could've taken ‘em.”