Freakin' Genius

So, I’m working on laptop. As is customary, I have so many windows open that I’m losing my train of thought.

And suddenly, it happens: I have a FABULOUS, EXCITING, MIND-BLOWING IDEA….AN EPIPHANY!


So, I did the only thing anyone with an EPIPHANY-CLOUD over their head can do:

Kathryn: “Hello? Hi, it’s Kathryn…from ‘The Inside Out’? Is Bill there? Sure…I’ll hold.”

Bill Gates: “Hey, Cookie! What’s cooking? To what do I owe the pleasure? Did you have another epiphany?”

K: (Eyes wide) “How did you know?? That’s right! Remember when I’d mentioned to you that I thought it would be nice if everyone could have a custom-built computer…with only the stuff that they wanted on it?”

BG: “Nooooo…..sorry. Doesn't ring a bell.”

K: “Aw…c’mon! I said that purple shirt brought out the blue in your eyes….and you said, ‘Aw, shucks Kathryn…if I wasn’t married…’ and we laughed and laughed. Remember??”


BG: “Maybe…. Possibly. I can’t be sure. I get an awful lot of compliments on that shirt, you know. Why? What are you thinking?”

K: “Well. What about offering a computer with an operating system that’s customized for each individual user. We could call it ‘Kathrynville…inspired by Microsoft’! What do you think?”

BG: “Oy….how about ‘Microsoft You…inspired in part by a few brief conversations with Kathryn’? And what’s with the ‘-ville’? Are you expanding to an entire town now?”

K: “I have to say…I don’t care for the ‘tude, Dude. I may as well tell you that I’ve placed a call to…(*BEEP!*)…please hold…I’ve got another call-“

*CLICK*

Oprah: “Kathryn? It’s me. What’s up, sugar? Your message said something about an epiphany? Isn’t that your second one this month? You are on a roll, girl! Talk to me.”

K: “Hey, doll! Hang on…I’ve got Bill on the other line. He’s giving me agida…”

*CLICK…….CLICK*

Kathryn: “Okay! Bill? Oprah? You there?”

Bill: (Surprised) “Oprah?! I’ve thought about it. I’m in! Kathrynville it is! Let’s work out the details….”

Oprah: “Not so fast, Buckeroo. Maybe I want a piece of this genius idea from our gal here…she already threw you a bone with that whole Hotmail debacle. I do believe it’s MY turn to share some of the Kathryn-looooove….”


Kathryn: “Awwww. She says the sweetest things! She’s got a point, Bill….it’s really her turn. It’s important that I spread my genius evenly, ya know…”

Oprah: “We’ll call it ‘OhPrah-ctically Perfect…inspired by Kathrynville’…I know how you’re dying for that name to catch on, kiddo. Initially, no-one’ll know what the hell it means, but before you know it, you’ll be a household name! What exactly IS this, again?”

Kathryn: (Sighs) “I swear…sometimes it’s like I’m talking to myself. PERSONALIZED! Everybody gets only what they want. Ya want Google as your homepage? Done! You can have ONE add-on for multimedia…not a kazillion that just wind up conflicting with each other. No more of this proprietary crap! I mean, seriously…how many search engines does a girl need? De-cluttered, organized, simple. Everything you want...and nothing you don't. EVER."

Bill Gates: “Now, hang on a minute! That ‘proprietary crap’ is what makes this country--"

(*BEEP!*)

Kathryn: “Oops…Bill? Hang on a second….CLINTON!! How do I do a three-way?!”


Clinton Kelly (Surprised IV): “Well, first you need to know people who are into that sort of thing…. Who are we talking about?”

K: “Bill and Oprah…and I’ve got another call coming in.”

CK: “Bill Clinton and Oprah? Really?? Huh. You think you know people…”

K: “Oh…ew! Bill Gates. Oh, ew! No!! Just tell me how to conference a three-way, mister.”

CK: (Mumbles) “Hardly worth my walking all the way in here…press this, then this….now click here.”

*CLICK!*

Martha Stewart: (Thundering noise in background) “KATHRYN? AM I TOO LATE? IS THERE STILL TIME FOR ME TO THROW A FEW MILLION TOWARDS THIS THING?”


Kathryn: “Where the hell are you? What’s with the thundering noise in the background?”

Martha: “I’M IN MY CHOPPER….ABOUT TO LAND AT THE COMPOUND….RETURNING FROM THE VINYARD….—M -- …OO…-ATE?”

Kathryn: “Martha? You’re breaking up! We’ll work it out! I’ll call you later. Oprah? Bill? You still there?”

Oprah: “I’m here…but I think we lost Bill.”

Clinton Kelly: “Kathryn…they haven’t invented a 4-way residential conference call yet. You keep forgetting to add yourself to the total when counting up the participants. You maxed out with Bill, Oprah and you. (Holds up three fingers) That's three.”

Kathryn: “Riiiiight….how am I gonna remember that?”

(*BEEP!*)

Kathryn: “Oprah? Hang on, sweetie…”

*CLICK*

President Obama: “Kathryn? I just received your message. So, you’re finally ready to go ahead with Kathrynville?”

Kathryn: “Oprah? I’m gonna have to call you back.”