This Just In

STRATFORD, Conn. (AP) - Police say a Connecticut man has been arrested because he showed up at a dental office naked. Police say 41-year-old Christopher Hoff, of Stratford, also was five days late for his appointment. Authorities said Hoff entered Optimus Dental's office Monday with nothing on. A startled female receptionist screamed, and he ran away.

Officers went to his home, and Hoff told them he had been sleeping all day. Police took Hoff to the dental office, where the receptionist identified him.

Hoff was charged with disorderly conduct, public indecency and failure to comply with fingerprinting.

He did not immediately return a telephone message left Wednesday at his home. It's unclear if he has an attorney.

The above newsflash intrigued me on so many levels. The reporter in me had to know more:

Kathryn: “Hello? Is this the receptionist for Optimus Dental? The one who screamed when the naked guy entered the office?”

Woman: “Yes…this is Sheila. I’ve already told the cops everything I know. Why can’t you people leave me alone?”

Kathryn: “This is Kathryn...from The Internal Makeover?”

Sheila: “Oh! Seriously?? I LOVE YOU! How may I help you, Kathryn?”

K: “Huh.... Well, I was reading the account of the events that took place with the naked guy…and I was just wondering…how were you able to identify the allegedly nude patient?”

S: (Confused) “I’m sorry…I don’t know what you mean.”

K: “I mean….if he was naked, then he probably didn’t have any ID handy. Did he provide his name upon entering the office and then you ‘got startled and screamed’, or what??”

S: (Flustered) “Uh. Um…I may have…I don’t really…oh, man. FINE. Christy and I had a brief fling back in March...and he has a distinctive birthmark….ya know….(whispers) down there…”

K: (Sympathetically) “Ah. And are you the one who told police that he was a whole five days late for his appointment? Adding a little salt to the wound, perhaps?”

S: “Wow….you’re good. Yeah, well….he said he’d call….rat-bastard….I was a little peeved.”

K: “I don’t suppose you’ve shared any of this integral information with law enforcement?”

S: “Oh, noooooo. They never asked. Besides, that Deputy Sideweanie? He never called either…”

K: “Well, thank you for your candor, Sheila. Here’s hoping your future includes a man who actually remembers your number. ‘Buh-bye.”

CLICK.

K: “Hello? Is this….Mr. Hoff? This is Kathryn...from The Internal Makeover?”

Christopher Hoff: “Really? Yeah…this is he. Wow! You ROCK. What can I do for you?”

K: “Huh... I’m just curious. When they brought you back to the dentist’s office to be identified, did they have you put clothes on first? Seems to me that it would be harder to recognize you that way…”

CH: “Dammit, Sheila…did she put you up to this? I was gonna call…”

K: “Whatever. One more question: Why didn’t you comply with fingerprinting? I mean…what’s the big whoop?”

CH: “It wasn’t my fingers they wanted to print. And that arresting officer? Sideweanie? Well, I’d meant to call…”

Ah. Mystery solved.