Ow.

Ow…..ow…..ow…

Merry….(ow)….Happy…..(crap)….day after Christmas! (oompf)

I trust everyone had a lovely (oh…) holiday…filled with lots of family, good food and plenty of laughs.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………...........................

Clinton Kelly (IV-for-every-season): “Kathryn? What the hell? What’s with the moaning and the groaning? I’d think you could be a little bit more festive with the holiday wishes…”

Kathryn: “Can’t. In too much pain. Can’t you see it all over my face? Wait. I’ll turn around, so you can see the lightning bolts on my lower back…that usually depicts pain on the commercials, right?”

CK: (Frowns) “What? What’s happened to you? You look positively dreadful.”

K: (Grimaces) “Why, thank you kind sir…that helps a lot. Evidently, I’ve become one of those 'I threw my back out' people. I’ve never been one of those people…prided myself on it, actually…nary a back-related-issue in my whole entire life…even though a psychic I visited 15 years ago said I’d have back issues. What the hell was his name? I think it was Raymond-something…”

CK: “What? You what? What did you do? And how did you do it? You’re a poster child for walking run-on sentences and off-topic ramblings. Focus, kiddo.”

K: “Ow. I was moving a plant…actually, I wasn’t so much moving it as re-positioning it…and I was leaning over the dining room table to do it. BIG MISTAKE, by the way.”

CK: “Oh my God….you’re not making any sense. Can you possibly explain in a more…comprehensory fashion?”

K: “Even in my dangerously-fragile state, I know that is not a word. However, I’m getting the gist of what you’re asking. I was cleaning…seriously cleaning. It was on the calendar for today, see? December 26th…clean whole, entire house.”

CK: “Duly noted. Let the record show that it is, in fact, on said calendar. Proceed.”

K: “Thank you, your honor. I was dusting the dining room table, when I noticed the banana- tree-plant was not seated properly in its draining-tray-thingie. The plant is in a clay pot, so it is ‘specially heavy. I then attempted to re-seat said banana-tree-plant and that is when the lightening-bolt injury occurred. My life flashed before my eyes and I swear I saw my deceased grandmother.”

CK: “That’s your dramatic way of saying it hurt like hell?”

K: “Worse. I thought I was gonna ‘meet my maker’…’buy the farm’, if you will…”

CK: “So, it hurt like hell?”

K: “Yeah…pretty much.”

CK: “So…you did…what? Called 9-1-1? Bathed the affected area with ice? Said a prayer? What?”

K: “I did a belated yoga-inspired-stretch and tried to walk it off….ya know, like a guy does when he’s kicked in the nuts.”

CK: “Okay…seriously…not the same thing.”

K: “No…this hurts much worse. I feel like someone’s stabbing a knife into my back…stabbing…and stabbing and STABBING. (Mimics psycho-stabbing-knife scene) Can you get me a refill please?”

CK: “Do you really think you should be mixing alcohol with that muscle relaxant you took 30 minutes ago?”

K: “What? So, now you’re a doctor? I’m dying here…I was right in the middle of six loads of laundry and now I’m navigating the stairs like I’m an 90-year-old lady who’s nine-months pregnant. Picture it…it’s not pretty.”

CK: “Okay…that is unsettling on so many levels. So, what happens now?”

K: “I’m blogging. What do you mean ‘what happens now’? I go to sleep and when I wake up, it has to be gone. Just a blip, my friend…I’m not turning into one of those ‘my back just went out’ kinda people. Nuh-uh…not doing it.”

CK: “I see…want me to help you into bed?”

K: (Whimpers) “Yeah…I think I’d like that epidural now, Dr. Kelly…”