My World, My Day

Today is Wednesday. Da boys had no school today. It was cancelled due to snow, sleet, freezing rain and hail. I do believe the word “treacherous” was bandished about several times by The National Weather Service. We had a crawling red ticker across the screen…that’s never a good sign.

I awoke at 5:30am and checked my email. There it was…an email from Cancellations.com:

“Go back to bed. There will be no learning today. It’s feakin’ treacherous out there. Sweet dreams. Love, your local school district.”

I slept till 9am! Then, we lost power. Did I mention we had gale-force winds? That our paltry 37 degrees had a REALFEEL temperature of 28, once you factored in the WIND CHILL?

I HATE having a WINDCHILL. WIND + CHILL = Unhappy, whiny Kathryn.

The temperature in the house immediately dropped by ten degrees, due to the hurricane-force winds taking place outside my humble abode. We closed all the blinds and curtains to retain what little heat was left.

Hence, this is what it looked like:

It was DARK. It was COLD. There was NO teevee. There was NO internet. There was NO telephone.

There was just that freakin’ wind:

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Five minutes later, da boys are bored. Taylor (17) goes back to bed. Connor(12) and I play 18,000 hands of “WAR”. (Card game) Connor announces, “I’m bored. This snow day sucks.”

“Go play outside. Finish that snowman you started a week ago that looks like a white ant hill in the middle of the front lawn,” says Clinton Kelly, my ever-pragmatic, yet sometimes-sarcastic IV.

“Go work on that snowman,” I say…leaving out the “ant hill” reference. “Here’s a carrot.” “You’ll have no trouble finding downed tree branches for the arms,” I add.

Connor’s eyes light up. Five minutes later, I hear the *SLAM!* as the front door closes. An hour later, I hear a *THUMP!* *THUMP!* as snowballs hit my office window. The power is still out…I am listlessly filing endless pieces of paper.

I look outside:

I smile. The snowmen are facing the house…not the street…they are just for US. We name them Bubba and Eugene, respectively.

Taylor shovels the driveway. I can see the snow is wet…almost slushy. I have no desire to experience it first-hand. This is close enough.

5 hours later, the power is still out. I’m starting to panic, I prepare to say my final goodbye to Clinton:

Me: “I’m done. It’s freakin’ freezing in here. The power’s never coming back on. We’re all gonna die…the pipes’ll freeze…even the dog’s cold. I love you…we could’ve had a long and lovely bloglife together. Damn the WINDCHILL.”

CK: “You’re not dying…you’re just cold. DO NOT press #1 on that call to the electric company. This is NOT considered a life-threatening emergency. You’re gonna get yourself in deep ca-ca. C’mon…put on your iPod…find the B-52’s…let’s dance to Love Shack. Warm you right up.”

And so, we boogie.

At 4pm, the power comes back on. I shout for joy!

HALLELUJAH!

Da boys are starving. I make spaghetti and meat-a-balls. They inhale it. I prepare Metro’s evening doggie-meal. It is 5pm.

The power goes out again. It looks like this:

Kathryn: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AREYOUFREAKIN’KIDDINGME? YOU’VEGOTTOBEFREAKIN’KIDDINGME! THISISNOTHAPPENING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!”

CK: “Crap! Crap! Dammit! Enough! Seriously?!”

Kathryn stumbles down the hall….arms flailing in front of her like a zombie in a bad horror movie…heading for the last known position of the one flashlight with working batteries.

Outside, thunder rumbles…lightening flashes and the skies dump torrential rain.

Precisely 152 minutes later, power is once again resumed. All residents scatter…we’ve had enough of each other to last for the remainder of the day. The phone begins to ring, as people inquire, “Where were you? Why would you be out on such a Godforsaken day??”

I hear Clinton chuckle. If they only knew…