Boo Day Aftermath

This morning was particularly difficult for Connor (age 12) to get out of bed.

Me: “Connor. It’s time to get up.”

Connor: (Muffled voice from deep under mounds of covers) “Can’t. Too. Tired.”

Me: “Okay.”

2 minutes pass.

Me: “Connor, it’s time to get up.”

C: (Groans) “Can’t. Raining….sore throat…psoriasis...restless leg syndrome…need to sleeeeeep…”

Me: (Sighs) “Uh-huh. Get up, or I’m fixing you Clinton’s favorite unflavored Rice Toasties with absolutely nothing exciting floating on top for breakfast. In three….two….one…”

(Clinton Kelly, my IV, has on several occasions mocked my conscious decision to purchase sugar-coma-induced cereal choices for da boys...and has often voiced the opinion that they could conceivably perform even better academically if they didn’t look like they were ready to spontaneously combust each and every morning. Personally, I think he’s exaggerating…just a tad.)

Connor: (Voice still muffled) “Ha ha. There’s no such thing as Rice Toasties…and even if there was, no-one would buy it.”

Clinton: “Huh. I could swear I saw an ad for them recently. (Rolls eyes) I'm sure they were pulled off the shelves for lack of sales. Should we pick up one end of the mattress and dump him out?”

Me: “My hero…but, I think not. I've heard Child Servcies frowns on that sort of thing. Besides…LOOK….he’s getting UP! GO! GO! GO! GET THE LUCKY CHARMS READY!”

Clinton: “Oh, God. Do we HAVE to? That cereal looks disgusting. All those colors…in one bowl…it’s like that munchkin-character threw up a rainbow or something…”

Me: “It’s a leprechaun…and they’re charms, Clinton. It’s the BEST part of the cereal. Want to try?”

Clinton: (Fake gags)

Me: “Okay, but he can’t have a French omelet for breakfast every morning, ya know. And this cereal is probably healthier than all those eggs, since Luckies has 12 vitamins and iron and an exciting new ‘hourglass’ marshmallow charm.”

Clinton: (Mock-gags a second time)

Me: “Whatever. Isn’t it exhausting being perfect all the time?”

Clinton: “I never said I was perfect. Just because I’m able to recognize a cereal that contains more chemicals than a bottle of drain cleaner has nothing to do with being perfect. I might go so far as to say it's simple common sense...but I'll keep that thought to myself. You do whatever you want..” (Hands on hips, he fixes me with penetrating-blue stare…filled with indignation and more than a little attitude, especially unwelcome before 7am.)

Me: (Tries to stare him down with my ordinary…though quite nicely-shaped chocolate-colored eyes…unsuccessfully, I might add) “WHAT? (Grabs cereal box) Look. WHOLE GRAIN OATS. Marshmallows (sugar, modified corn starch, corn syrup, dextrose, gelatin, calcium carbonate, yellows 5&6, blue 1, red 40, artificial flavor), sugar, Oat flour, corn syrup, corn starch, salt, trisodium phosphate, color added, artificlal flavor…."

Clinton: “Okay. How many times did you mention ‘sugar’ in that list? And, what's with the colors with the numbers after them? That can't possibly be healthy...”

Me: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It's probably just to differentiate between...say a cornflower blue and a midnight blue....or a sunshine yellow and a sickly yellow. Wait...
Oh, look. Connor has entered the room. He's shuffling over to the table, where his bowl of cereal---”

Clinton: “---Chemicals...his bowl of chemicals. Let’s call a spade a spade.”

Me: “Clinton! Let the kid eat his chemicals cereal in peace, for heaven’s sake!”

Connor: “Is tomorrow Tuesday?”

Me: “Yes, dear.”

Connor: "It's Election Day? Schools are closed?"

Me: "Yes, dear."

Connor: “You want to know what I think?? The only good thing about morning is sleeping through it.”

Clinton: “Oh…he is so your son.”