UCSS

We've talked lately about pet peeves....those things that other people do that drives us crazy. One of the top contenders involved other people in vehicles doing randomly stupid things, such as cutting us off, or driving erratically.

Okay, they're idiots. We're all in agreement there.

But. What about that rare, once-in-a-blue-moon time when we're the ones at fault?

(Oh, c'mon...you know what I'm talking about....it has to have happened to you once!) Every once in a while, we're the ones who use poor judgement on the road...and instantly regret it.

I feel it's time we address this atypical occurrence and the first step is admitting that yes, it does sometimes happen.

Say it with me now: "Hi. I rarely, if ever, use bad judgement when I'm driving. It's almost always the other guy."

(Huh. That was not very heartfelt....but I guess it'll do. For now.)

"Hi, liar."

I would like someone to invent a Universal Car Signal (UCSS, for short) for “Sorry”. This can be for “Sorry I inadvertently cut you off; I was busy tweeting about the excellent burrito I just had for lunch” to “Sorry I beeped at you whilst inadvertently leaning on the horn as I penned a post-it to myself to remember that I need to blog about creating a UCSS"….to “Sorry I veered into oncoming traffic, causing your life to pass before your eyes but I was trying to pop a Sudafed pill out of those little blister packs and it fell on my lap and I couldn't find it for a second there.”

You get the idea. The person needing to convey the UCSS can’t very well wave, or it’ll look like they’re saying “Hi! Is that you, Stephenie? How are ya?? How’s the cream working out for that little problem you were having?” So, we know that won’t work. (We also know on good authority that the cream is not working...)

You can’t do this:

…because no-one could see this gesture from inside your vehicle and even if they could, they’d think you’d be saying, “WHAT? What’s your freakin’ problem?” Which will probably get you rear-ended just out of spite.

You could try this:

….but again, it’s open to interpretation. Someone could think you’re saying, “What are you gonna do? What’s the big deal?” Which will probably get you rear-ended just out of spite.

Either one of these:
…could also get you into serious trouble. The schmuck you’ve annoyed could interpret the thumbs up as, “YEAH! I cut you off, SUCKA!” The thumbs-down could be read as, “You’re a terrible driver and I had no choice but to cut in front of you.” Either of these could result in your being rear-ended just out of spite.

This look would probably be effective:

…only no-one behind you would see your ever-so –dramatic expression…so it’s pretty pointless. They may assume you’re eating a burrito whilst driving and take it as an opportunity to rear-end you, just out of spite.

That leaves my #1 favorite UCSS symbol. This one should be PERFECT:

Of course, it’ll work best of one has an open sunroof…and you will have to take both hands off the wheel to perform this maneuver, so it may result in you veering off the road…possibly bringing about the very accident you were trying so desperately to apologize for almost instigating in the first place…

….but…..what are ya gonna do??