Is That Broccoli In Your Hair?

A while back, whilst channel surfing, I came across a show called “The Secret Lives of Women”. Evidently, this is a series…with a different theme each week. Being a wo-man myself and being somewhat intrigued with the whole “secret” thing, I settled in to see what’s what.

This particular episode was on women who had rather unusual ways of maintaining a balanced way of eating. Notice I did not use the word diet here. You’ll understand in a minute.

Four women were featured. One was eating a special diet that was supposed to prolong youth and vitality. She did it with her husband. All natural foods, they both exercised a lot and didn’t eat an evening meal….they jogged instead. They were in their 60’s….they looked to be…in their 60’s. They seemed to think they looked in their late 40’s. I was not gonna be the one to tell them otherwise.

The second woman didn’t eat anything cooked over 118 degrees. She was beautiful, young and incredibly thin…and it was hard to believe she did anything besides search for, purchase, prepare and eat this high-maintenance diet. She seemed to be at odds with her family for her choice of foods and was having a hard time finding men to date who believed in this as strongly as she did. I wish her good luck with this…I think she’ll need it.

Woman #3 came from…maybe Tennessee? Or was it Kentucky? She was a complete departure from the others. She dressed like an Amish woman who had no sewing abilities and thought her children and grandchildren would be most comfortable in puffy, Victorian-looking full-length gowns but with no waists and lots of pleats. She had a ministry…and basically preached that God will tell you when to stop eating. That she was overweight as a child (although, no photos provided backup of this, the cynical New Yorker in me noticed) and ran “The Weigh Down Workshop-The Church of Thin”. She lived a very…..luxurious lifestyle. Fancy, expensive cars, lots of expensive jewelry…and her house was filled with big, over-the-top pieces. She had a televised following and everyone in her fam was part of the show…dancing, swaying and praying to God to tell them when to stop eating. My check is in the mail. (Not.)

The final lady left the biggest impression. She was part of the Fregans…people who dumpster-dive and basically live off other people’s garbage. They dive for everything…food, clothing, and toiletries. Evidently, it’s not quite as gross as I’d thought: they don’t go through people’s garbage, per se…more like the clean bag of end-of-the-day bagels in the alley behind the Bagel Shop. Or, picking through one-day expired bottles of everything from sauce…to those pre-packaged salads…to vitamins. Next shot, she’d be behind the Laundromat, combining discarded bottles of liquid soap into one bottle…and coming away with a decent amount. She’d lead these groups each week to show them how to dive for the safe, good stuff that (mainly markets) were just tossing away…and the food didn’t look gross or anything. Then she’d make these elaborate meals for her and her diving-buddies. After they’d showered, of course.

It was interesting, provocative, ridiculous and gross all at the same time. It must’ve made an impression, though…’cause I’m still thinking about it. I’m definitely making an effort to not be wasteful and to be more aware that we use all that I purchase…that’s important for everyone…us and the planet.

I’m also making sure that I never, ever wear puffy long dresses that don’t cinch at the waist. Although, if you’ll buy me that Mercedes, I may reconsider.

Just tell me your check is in the mail.

Have you seen a show/documentary that made an impression on you? One that you couldn’t get out of your head? Could you share, so I can get this one out of mine??