Floppo

The other night, I saw the most amusing commercial on teevee. Now, I suspect that the marketing people of this particular ad would probably take offense at my observation, but do I care?

I do not.

I cannot recall the product itself, per se….but I remember the flavor of the ad very well. It was for a potential cholesterol-reducing medication. For the sake of this telling, I shall name it “Floppoarterykaboomerate”…or “Floppo”, for short.

Set scene:

A dozen or so young, hip marketing people clogged into a too-small conference room…

...chowing down on vending machine Doritos,

...year-old twinkies,

...and those packaged saltines with some sort of questionabe cheese-spread-type substance in a suspiciously unnatural shade of yellow.

The larger conference room was already reserved for the A-list marketing reps-

...brainstorming away a mere smidgen of their client’s quarterly budget…whilst lunching on lobster bisque and pecan crusted salmon with a touch of fresh dill over risotto and wondering if they can tack on a business conference to Barbados as a legitimate marketing expense.

Claude: “Okay, so we’ve got this new pharmaceutical company as a client…and they’ve got this cholesterol reduction drug called Floppo-something and we need something fresh…something hip…and something fast ‘cause I think that ‘cheese-spread’ is on its way back up. Anyone?"

Tawni (with an “i”): “Well, we’d better think of something unique, ‘cause there’s like, a kazillion pharmaceutical ads out there…and at least half of them are for the same damn thing. Geez, Phil! Light a match!

Phil: (Sheepish) “Sorry. What about an ad that shows the patient’s perspective on what happens if you, like, don’t take your…Floppo?”

Claude: “Elaborate."

Phil: (Warming to the subject) “Well, we could have a camera laying on a gurney…ya know, like it’s the patient and all…and show the doctors and nurses looking down all concerned…but pleasant at the same time….’cause it’s not like they take it personally or anything..."

Tawni (still with an “i”): “Yeah! That whole detachment-thing. And then the doctor could be asking the paramedic ‘Any medications?’ and the paramedic can say ‘Yeah…cholesterol-reducing medication’…but look all scowling and disapproving about it, ‘cause the patient’s not taking the good stuff….the…Floppo."

Claude: “Huh. Then what? The guy dies…or what?”

Phil: (Burping silently) “’Scuse me. Nah…drug companies seem to frown on the whole dying thing…but we can have him come close.”

Tawni: “I’m digging this…the voiceover can claim: ‘If you’ve been taking another cholesterol -reducing medication, you could be in danger of a life-threatening stroke or heart attack’…that oughta scare the crap out of some people.”

Phil: “I’m on it. We could even close the ad showing the nurse lubricating up the paddles…all serious-like…and a voiceover that says ‘Don’t let THIS happen to YOU’. Then, fade to black."

(Sound in the background: “CLEAR!!! FUWOMP!!!”)

Claude: “Excellent job, people! That’s it for today. I call the closest bathroom.”

I wonder what they'll come up with next? Never mind...I think I've found it:

This just in: "The Toilet-Shaped House has a very unique design, and was built by Sim Jae-duck, the chairman of the organizing committee of the Inaugural General Assembly of the World Toilet Association, and he hopes his toilet house will highlight the global need for better sanitation.. The Toilet-Shaped house is in fact named Haewoojae, which signifies in Korean “a place of sanctuary where one can solve one’s worries“. Sim Jae-duck will open what is billed as the world’s one and only toilet house on November 11 to mark the launch of his World Toilet Association."

(Oh...my. I may have peed a little...)