Sweetness and Light

Happy Monday, all. What an insanely sad, anxiety-filled, thought-provoking weekend.

The recent sad news is evident to anyone who’s watched teevee or picked up a newspaper of late.

Me thinks we all could seriously use some good old-fashioned happy news for a change.

Now…let’s see if I can make something up:

API - Somewhere in the Northeast….(in between Never-Never-Land and If-Only-Dreams-Really-Did-Come-Trueville):

A remarkably beautiful woman was walking her remarkably attractive Cavalier King Charles Spaniel on a simply extraordinararily-dry June evening In the Hudson Valley, when said purebred Spaniel felt the need to…(ahem)….relieve himself. Upon doing so, the owner disdainfully began the revolting task of scooping said bodily waste products into one cleverly-marketed and highly-regarded “Pooper-scooper” when suddenly, the remarkably attractive woman became aware of the skeletal remains of what appeared to be some sort of primeval creature.

The first reaction of the strikingly-gorgeous woman was “OH, NOOOOOOO! WE’VE UNCOVERED THE REMAINS OF A SACRED BURIAL GROUND THAT OUR HOUSE MUST HAVE BEEN HAPHAZARDLY, INADVERTANTLY INDISCRIMINENTLY BUILT UPON!!!”, sensing that this would somehow justify the strange, poltergeist-like activities involving the unexplained, random lack of good cell phone reception at this dwelling as well as the unexplainable disappearance of many a cinnamon-raison bagel and countless packages of double-stuf Oreos.

Upon further inspection, however, the stunningly-ravishing maiden discovered that she had in fact, uncovered a rare, 5-million-year-old one-of-a-kind in-tact skeleton of a Gogogirlasaurous-erecteoglammy-blingy-hex….otherwise known by its more common name of “Go-Go stone-age chick who died long ago whilst trying on all her diamond trinkets and prancing around in her un-even stone-high-heels WAY too close to that rocky cliff in the backyard”.

The diamonds have an approximate street value of $54.5 million dollars. The excruciatingly fabulous woman was unavailable for comment at this time but has been heard to utter the words “Metro, honey….you’re allowed to poop anywhere your little heart desires! WOOHOO.”

The findings are under investigation by the IRS.