She's Messing with Us

I’m finding that I’m not enjoying school any more the second time around. I’m hating the homework, the tests are insane and the schedule is all over the place….and the boys aren’t exactly digging 6th and 11th grade all that much, either.

Today, Taylor (16) came home with a notice:

Okay. Here’s the deal: The boys are heading to the sunshine state with their dad on the 14th of January.

See the date of the PART 1 of the PSYCHOLOGY FINAL EXAM? I’ll give you a sec to scroll back up.

Meanwhile, the spike in my emotional barometer has evoked a response from my ever-supportive IV…the ever-busy, yet always witty Clinton Kelly:

Clinton: “Hey, kiddo. Let me see that.”

Me: “She’s freaking me out, Clinton. See the part where it clearly states ‘IF YOU ARE NOT THERE YOU WILL RECEIVE A O’…that’s not the letter “O” for ‘overdue’! This is a pretty obstinate flyer….that’s a big, fat ZERO. She means business.”

C: (Scowls) “Hang on a minute. What subject is this? Developmental Psychology? Yikes…she’s good. She’s psyching you out. Nice use of 'obstinate', by the way...”

K: “Thanks. Did you notice the big black banner across the bottom that claims that ‘There are no makeups…yada, yada. No exceptions.’ Did you see that part? Who the hell does she think she is? I’m his mother, for God’s sake. She can’t tell me there are ‘no exceptions’! I’ll show her an exception….”

C: “Well, now you’re freaking me out….you need to take a pill or something. Better yet, let me refill your glass. How do you know this teacher is a woman? Hey, did you notice that she’s got a snow date for the test at the end of January, but none for the middle of January? How does she know it won’t snow on January 16th?”

K: (Sighs) “How should I know? I cannot get inside the mind of a person who has to participate in this kind of emotional blackmail to gain control over a bunch of 16-year-olds and their poor, stressed, loving parents. As for the gender of this diabolical tormenter person, I’ve made an assumption. However, I will now verify this assumption with the specific, accurate, precise truth. TAYLOR!!!” (Yells down the stairs)

Taylor: “WHAT?!”

K: “Geez! No need to shout. What’s the name of your stupid 7th period psychotic Psychology teacher? Is it a man or a woman?”

T: “A WO-MAN. Why are you freaking out?”

K: “I am most certainly not freaking out. I am simply garnering the information necessary to chew her out approach her in an appropriate manner to discuss the matter of your absence from school on a day where her requirement is that you…well, not be. Absent, I mean.”

T: “What?”

C: “She’s freaking out.”

K: “No, I am NOT. It’s just that the two highlighted components of this notice emphasize the reality that ‘there are no makeups allowed’ and that it ‘accounts for 20% of your final grade’. This is very serious business. Not to be taken lightly. It’s crunch time….we need to cut to the chase and draw a line in the sand. I’ll fight tooth and nail…even if it is an uphill battle…I’ve got a bone to pick with her…I swear, heads will roll.”

T: “What are you talking about?! Geez, Mom….you’re starting to sound a little loony.”

C: (Snickers) “Just a little? Here….take a sip. Well, that was more like a gulp…but okay…better? Do you need a straw...a la Margarete??”

K: “No…I'm better now. Does this tyrant teacher have a name?”

T: “Uh huh…but you’re not going to believe it. Her name is Mrs. Stern.”

C: (Laughs out loud) “It’s your funeral.”