I Am SO Telling...

Everybody was grouchy. We all wanted to just go, already. Unfortunately, Mother Nature and the airlines at La Guardia were running the show…and they had other ideas.

The natives were getting restless and the fact that absolutely no-one was giving us an update of any kind was not sitting well with us. There were about ten of us nestled into a little far-off corner of the terminal…virtual strangers with nothing more in common than the desire to get the hell out of this airport and finally downing our $9.50 “Appletini-In-A-Shot” beverage on the plane. We would alternate trekking up to the desk to garner information. If you needed to use the restroom, you were required to come back with an update. Feeling thirsty? Don’t even think about returning unless you’ve got a tidbit of info.

After the first two hours however, the lady behind the counter was done with the likes of us. We kept bothering her with stupid, mindless questions about arriving planes…and connecting flights…when all she wanted to do was to inhale that leftover bagel with a schmear from breakfast and sneak in another chapter of “Lust of a Lifetime”…her newest acquisition from the 99-cent Leftover Summer Sizzler section from the airport bookstore.

Why it did not occur to her to simply address us en masse via the intercom, I’ll never know. She seemed determined to keep as much flight information as close to the cuff as possible and it was painfully evident that this gal was not a fan of the touchy-feely-sharing method of dealing with a bunch of tired, aggravated, clueless travelers.

To say that she was not forthcoming with information was an understatement… and eventually, no-one wanted to deal with her. Around this time, she decided to walk over to the neighboring airline’s microphone and reprimand us for bothering her:

“Attention all passengers. Quit bugging me for details…I’m getting tired of repeating myself. I have a life, you know. Please be advised that the Detroit flight has been cancelled, the Kingston Jamaica flight very well may be, the Myrtle Beach flight may or may not arrive in the next 30 minutes, but if it does it’ll be boarding at gate 6B and NOT gate 7A and the Fort Lauderdale flight (the second one…not the first one) is hopefully going to arrive shortly and will board at gate 6A and not gate 6B. This is all I’ve got and don’t even think about asking me to repeat this, ‘cause I made half of it up, and I couldn't remember it even if I wanted to. Thanks for almost flying with us. I’m going on my break.”

Getting off the ground was starting to look like an unattainable dream.