Cher Cosmos,

Dear Universe,

Some people seem to think you’ve got some kind of a plan going on up there….possibly for all 6,831,293,944 (approximately) of us humans presently existing on this planet…

(I am here.)
(I don’t know about any other planet…I only know about my own).

How you’re juggling all of the paperwork involved for each and every one of us is completely beyond me…I can only hope you’ve got a really big hard drive…
and unlimited anytime minutes between your family and friends,
so you can stay in touch, in between making life-or-death decisions about other people’s lives.

And speaking of which…I was wondering if I could have a moment? You might remember me from a memo I’d submitted back in winter?


About banning the season in its entirety?? You can delete that…I’ve moved on. Besides, it’s not like you were gonna take it under advisement, anyway. And seriously….it’s summer now…

so, who cares about winter?

On second thought, hang on to that memo. I’m thinking it’ll need to be revisited in a few months.

ANYWAY.

Here's the thing. Life keeps going all topsy-turvy and I miss my mom. The life-thing I can deal with (‘cause it’s..ya know…life and all…)…but I think the Mom-thing is pretty non-negotiable.

See, I want her back.

NOW.

I don’t care that I’m a grown woman…turns out, I wasn’t done with needing that unconditional-Mom-love-thing, so I’ll be needing her back. Please send whatever forms I’ll need to complete to the enclosed email asap.

Also, I hate to be a bother…but according to “The Secret”

I need to clearly state my desires, so I’d like to formally request one Clinton Kelly (middle name unknown),

from What Not To Wear…height, approximate weight (before shipping) and much-needed sense of humor listed in the detailed section of form #C-200-so-ya-want-him-even-tho…-do-ya-72m-76.

I figure I’ll ask now…and avoid the holiday rush. I know everyone thinks I’m daffy…but, well…I’m tired of defending, dammit.

Besides, no-one’s created a Clinton Kelly fansite yet and what other association am I gonna have to this “diary”?? Shall I link myself with MOLD.COM?

...or, perhaps I can be a sponsor for the sleeping pill Ambien?

No?? How about Cloudy Bay?

I suppose that’s another way to go....it works for me.

Okay. So, just to review….that’s Mom, Clinton, Ambien, and Cloudy Bay. Of course, there’s more…but that’ll do for now. Just something to get you started.

By the way, you can keep the mold. It makes everything smell and the color does absolutely nothing for me.

Peace-
Kathryn