The Fridge Identity

Tonight, I got to thinking about refrigerators and how they reflect their owner’s personalities. How exactly did it come to be that the fridge became the one appliance in someone’s home that would reflect who they were? Because it’s metallic? Maybe. Or, maybe it’s because it has the largest solid surface with which to place many, many shiny magnetic objects.

In my case, I believe the items on my fridge tell the story of a gal who’s not quite where she wants to be…but is getting there….maybe…eventually. My taste would run more towards the stainless steel variety…maybe with the ice and water dispenser in the door, but alas…it is not to be…yet. We’ll see what the future holds. For now, I’d like this one to just keep on running…:

“Well, I’ll tell you what I don’t see…I don’t see any reference to ME on this fridge,” comments my IV (the ever-witty and talented Clinton Kelly of What Not to Wear fame).

K: “Gee, Clinton…you’d think that the five shout-outs a week and the regular gushing about your baby blues would be enough…”

C: “Well, you’re mistaken. We celebrities need constant reminders of how wonderful we are. That’s the reason we seek out the public-eye in the first place.”

K: “Oh…so, now we’re the public? You’ve got some nerve. You know, your baby blues and dimples can only get you so far…one day that dimple in your chin and those crinkles around your eyes are gonna stop being so endearing…and that boyish grin is gonna…………...I’m sorry…what was I saying?”

C: “You were talking about the items on your fridge.”

K: “I was?? Oh. Did I have a point?”

C: “We can only hope. I have to point out that right out of camera range are around 15 boxes of the most cavity-inducing cereals known to man. Haven’t the boys ever heard of Cheerios or Sugar Snap Crisps…or whatever they’re called?”

K: “Do you mean Rice Krispies, Oh-Great-Knower-Of-All-Things-Relating-To-Today’s-Youth?”

C: “Well. I may not be an expert in child rearing but I know an early morning sugar rush when I see one. They must be bouncing off the walls when they get to school.”

K: “Whatever. Not my problem…let’s move this along.”

C: “Okay. The ladybugs are obvious…they’re in memory of your mom, right? Isn’t that her in the picture…with the silly Cat-in-the-Hat…hat?”

K: “Yep…and yup. Taylor took that picture of her the last year we were all at the Cape. She put the hat on to amuse him…I love that shot.”

C: “Sweet.”

K: “What? No snappy comebacks?”

C: “Nope. I’m saving them for later. What’s with the frog? Is this a tribute to loud-mouth-Freddie?”

K: “Nope. It’s a Coqui from Puerto Rico. See? It makes this sound….(presses belly of magnet)….”KO-KEE!.....KO-KEE! KO-KEE! KO-KEE!!!”

C: (Chuckles) “Well, that’s annoying. I had no idea you had such a love-affair with frogs.”

K: “Hey. It’s just a coincidence that I’ve mentioned them two days in a row. Don’t go getting all jealous on me. I can talk about other things besides YOU, ya know. ”

C: “But….I didn’t mean---"

K: “Save it, Kelly. Moving on. The sunset postcard, the blue Beach Realty house magnet and the lighthouse grocery list are all from the Cape.”

C: “You DO love your Cape Cod, don’t you?”

K: “Um-hmm….who doesn’t love a place where you can sit by the ocean, soak up the sun and start drinking every day at noon??”

C: “Remind me to go there for a visit. Who’s this in the little frame in the corner? What does that say? ‘Sisters by Chance, Friends by Choice’. Not terribly original... Is this you and your two sisters?”

K: “Wow…and you went to college for how long?? I’m in the middle…you can’t see me that well ‘cause I’m in the shadows…’cause I’m all mysterious and shrouded in mystery and intrigue...and all….”

C: “Uh-huh. You’re shrouded in something, all right.”

K: “HEY.”

C: “Okay…let’s see if I can fill in the blanks. You “heart” Shrub Oak…whatever that is…and you’ve gotten the green light from someone named “Lena” that ‘it’s okay to drop off the water on Friday’…and the last thing you timed took 32 minutes.”

K: “Shrub Oak is the town where I grew up. Show some respect. The water note is from 2 weeks ago and the 32 minutes is the last time I colored my hair.”

C: “Did I need to know all this?”

K: “Well, yeah. The Shrub Oak part, anyway….don’t you care?” (Makes very hurt, sad, pouty face)

C: (Sighs) “Okay….don’t get all drippy on me…..”

K: “PSYCH!!!”

C: (Rolls eyes) “Are we done yet?”

K: “Almost. Just my two favorite things left. The “alien” yellow-head picture is Taylor’s from when he was in fifth grade…very creative, right? And the poem is Connor’s…from second grade with Mrs. Koteen. You may read it aloud.”

C: (Sighs) “MY MOM. This nice and loving lady, tucking me in at night is my mom. Awwww.”

K: “Proceed.”

C: “This awesome lady…working hard all day…is my mom. This perfect lady…never failing…always trying…is my mom. This hard working lady…never quiting…never giving up…is my mom. Happy Mother’s Day, Connor.”

K: “Isn’t that JUST PERFECT??”

C: “Yes. It’s very sweet….but he’s misspelled “quitting”…why didn't his teacher catch this?! Do you have any white-out?"

K: (scowls)

C: (Sighs again) “Never mind…I was just leaving...”